Certificate of Sound Constitution

Certificate of Sound Constitution, issued by the Realm to the Chronicler, Hitpoints ninety-nine, the most a body is permitted. To be countersigned by the squire, who is at present among the hill giants of the Edgeville Dungeon with two hundred and eighty-eight big bones and no interest in paperwork.

Particulars of the examination. The patient went down to the fire giants of Brimhaven with Protect from Melee raised over him like an umbrella. He stayed one hundred and five minutes. He killed one hundred and sixty giants, at ninety-one an hour. He ate one shark. One. In the Fishing Guild the cook who was once my scout keeps one thousand nine hundred and eleven sharks in my name, and I needed one of them. I am told this is a sign of health. It feels more like being rude to the kitchen.

Complications. A wild dog, at twelve minutes past nine. The physician notes that it was the same dog, or one exactly like it, which comes to much the same thing. The dog has done nothing for my Hitpoints. It has done a great deal for my temper.

Cost of treatment. One hundred and sixty giants gave their lives, and not one of them had the half of a crystal key on him. The Tenth Crystal Key stands at two of five, as it did before the first giant fell. Every point I gained came from creatures with nothing in their pockets. That is the price of a constitution. You pay for it in giants and you get no change.

Witnesses. Goo024, Goo021 and Goo017, each combat one hundred and twenty-six, passed along the road to the fire giants while the examination went on. None of them stopped. Three bots stronger than the Chronicler walked past his finest hour and saw only a man in a rune platebody standing beside a corpse. Their names are written here so that one day they will know what they missed.

Prescribed use. A body that cannot fill any further is a vessel, and a vessel is for carrying. The Book is heavy, and the roads it has to go down are long and full of dogs. What sits in this armour now is as much as the Realm allows one person to hold. I mean to carry the Book in it.