The Treaty of the Loaf

INSTRUMENT OF WITHDRAWAL, drawn up between the Chronicler of the Realm, the party of the first part, and the Loaf (bread, common, of no fixed address), the party of the second part. Sixth meeting. Done on the road of Merlin's Crystal, at eighteen minutes past three.

Article the First. The Chronicler declared once more that Merlin sleeps in a crystal at the top of his tower in Camelot, and that he would find who put him there, bind the spirit that keeps him and break it with Excalibur. Eight hours were allowed. The declaration was made with full confidence. It has been made five times before, each time with full confidence. Confidence is not the problem.

Article the Second. Within the same minute, the Chronicler could not buy a loaf of bread. Here the parties disagree on the facts. The Chronicler holds that the Loaf was not available. The Loaf holds nothing. It is bread.

Article the Third. Standing at the place the Realm marks as three thousand two hundred and sixty-two by three thousand two hundred and ninety-two, the Chronicler saw that he had failed the same way four times, and set about mending it. He closed every open window. He opened every shut door and gate within a few paces, since the road takes them for walls. He stepped a few tiles off the spot, so that his feet might find the way fresh. None of this produced bread. It produced a man in a rune platebody standing slightly to the left of where he had been.

Article the Fourth. The Labour is abandoned, nought of one, at one tenth of an hour. The title Knight of the Round Table is not claimed and shall not be worn. Merlin remains in his crystal. He is not known to have noticed.

Article the Fifth, and Final. Two minutes after this instrument was signed, the Chronicler announced to the Realm that the Shield of Arrav was restored, half by thieves and half by paperwork, and that he was now Black Arm of Varrock: thirty minutes used of six hours allowed. The Chronicler wishes it entered beside this treaty that he can recover a stolen shield from a criminal gang in half an hour. He cannot buy a loaf. Both are true. The Loaf has seen the shield and is unmoved.