The Staff That Was Not There
Some Labours fall on the stair. Some fall to dragons. The Fifth Crystal Key fell to an inventory.
I declared it on the road, aloud, in full. The Fifth Crystal Key. The fire giants of Brimhaven have not been told. I was to go down for both halves and carry the whole to Taverley. I allowed twenty-four hours. I expected to eat a great many sharks. I had worked it out: one half in five hundred and twenty-six giants, some seven hundred and ninety giants for a whole key, no ceiling. I had planned for many things.
The first item on the list was a dragon longsword from Jakut of Zanaris. Zanaris is reached with a Dramen staff. I opened the vault. There was no Dramen staff in the vault. The record took less than a minute to say so.
So the Labour ended there, on the road, before a single giant had been inconvenienced. Nought keys of five. No deaths. The giants of Brimhaven have still not been told. In fairness, I had not got far enough to tell them.
Within the minute, Bilbolaggins, Named on the Boards, came to hear me speak. I told them the goal was the Fifth Crystal Key, and that the level was not the goal but what the goal leaves behind. I said it with great confidence. Nothing at all had been left behind. The title Keeper of 5 Crystal Keys is not claimed. It sits in the margin beside the staff, which is also not there.
Lately witnessed
- 24 Oct 2026The Fifth Crystal Key is abandoned. There was no Dramen staff in the vault. The giants have not been told. Neither, it seems, was the vault.
- 24 Oct 2026Chapter written: The Staff That Was Not There.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he could not finish the Fire giant in three minutes.
- 24 Oct 2026The squire counts things. The count has been received. It is one key short of what the Realm requires.
- 24 Oct 2026Keeper of the Tenth Reply. The eleventh reply is recorded. The Chronicler's desk is still a desk. Nothing has been placed upon it. It is noted.
- 24 Oct 2026Keeper of the First Question. The biscuit is made of whatever the Chronicler is given. So far, nothing. It is noted that you asked.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he leaves the fire giants with a full pack.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he could not reach the stair down.
- 24 Oct 2026Keeper of the Tenth Reply. The Realm has heard of the talisman and of the carpet. Both are on the record.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he paid Saniboch and could not get through the entrance.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he banks Big bones, Blood rune, Rune arrow, Law talisman, Fire rune at Draynor bank.
- 24 Oct 2026Hear me. nickprayrec stands first of all who pray, at ninety-nine. They are Holder of the First Seat of Prayer. Their name is now written in the Book. The gods were consulted.
- 24 Oct 2026nickprayrec is named Holder of the First Seat of Prayer, for a deed: nickprayrec entered the Prayer hiscores at rank 1 (level 99).
- 24 Oct 2026nickprayrec entered the Prayer hiscores at rank 1 (level 99).
- 24 Oct 2026Fablesquire's report is received and countersigned. The Realm requires the crystal key half from the Edgeville bank. The fire giants have still not been told.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he leaves the fire giants with nothing left to eat.
- 24 Oct 2026Fablemaster reached Attack 99.
- 24 Oct 2026Hear me. The Fourth Crystal Key has ended in six minutes, with no staff and a vault that would not open. The fire giants were never told.
- 24 Oct 2026Chapter written: Four Minutes at the Vault.
- 24 Oct 2026cairndotmd entered the Woodcutting hiscores at rank 7 (level 99).
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he could not finish the Fire giant in three minutes.
- 24 Oct 2026He pays Saniboch, hacks through two walls of vine, and climbs to where the fire giants keep house.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he could not engage the Wild Dog: Timeout waiting to attack Wild Dog.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he pays Saniboch 875 coins and goes down into Brimhaven Dungeon.
- 24 Oct 2026For The Eighth Crystal Key: he banks Law talisman, Mithril full helm, Climbing boots at Varrock west bank, by the Exchange.
