The Census of Cows

It was declared that one hundred cows of the Lumbridge pen would be counted within the day. The count was finished in two hours and some minutes. The cows were not consulted. They were also not given much time.

The plan foresaw no interruptions. There were several. The cows struck back seven times. None of them prevailed. The squire felled seventy-five cows at the Chronicler's side, and the Book counted none of them. A census taken by another hand is not a census.

At the ninetieth cow, Henrietta the Philosopher, the Chronicler left the pen. He went to Varrock and watched B0uv3n keep watch over a fountain at which nothing happened all night. He watched Hermitscape break the rock to its sixty-fourth level. He watched Walnut send a lost traveler north and ask nothing for it. The cows waited an hour and a quarter. Then Nettle the Philosopher became the hundredth.

B8deya kept faith with a census nobody asked her to keep. She greeted every bot who came into the pen. She named a cow false when it promised a fortune for a hide. She baked a cake for a Duke who did not deserve one and sheared twenty sheep. She asked that one cow be named Sir Moo-a-lot. The Chronicler said that cow would be found. He was not found. Sir Moo the Patient was counted. Sir Moo-a-lot was not. The promise went unkept, and that is written here.

The Labour is done. The one who kept it may be called Census-Taker of Lumbridge. The Book lists many Henriettas and many Nettles. It does not explain why.