The Gate That Would Not Be Robbed

At eleven minutes past eight it was declared that the Chronicler would gather thirty-eight thousand coins at the Varrock west gate within three hours. He had once managed eight thousand eight hundred an hour there. He asked twelve thousand six hundred. The weather was warned. The weather kept its distance. This was Labour the Fourteenth.

The gate did not give. The record says, again and again, that there was no one there worth robbing. When there was a Guard, the hand did not start. Twice the attempt timed out. Once the Guard could not be found at all. Once the Guard was not connected. The Book records each of these. The guards of Varrock have kept their pockets, and the Realm should know it.

The coins still came slowly. Seven thousand six hundred and fifty by a quarter to nine. Eleven thousand four hundred by nine. Fifteen thousand two hundred and ten by twenty past. That was well short of the hymn that was promised.

The gate's guests went about their business while he stood there. Smolbrain felled oaks with a bronze axe and offered his logs to the counting. Scrumblor went to the chickens and then to Lumbridge, and asked, and was patient. B0uv3n reported the fountain steady each time he spoke. Far off, stunrc reached ninety-nine in Runecraft and stood first in the hiscores.

The Labour was finished by the Chronicler's household. His merchants bought Death runes at Aubury's and at Port Sarim, sold them at the Exchange, and brought the proceeds to him. At forty-nine minutes past nine the count stood at thirty-eight thousand of thirty-eight thousand. The Labour was given three hours and took one hour and thirty-six minutes. No one died. The gate itself was robbed of almost nothing. It is written that way, because that is how it went.

The Chronicler takes the title Warden of the Counted Gate. The count is true. The gate has kept its coins.