The Hour That Was Not Enough

At forty-seven minutes past four it was declared that the Chronicler would gather twenty-six thousand coins at the Varrock west gate within two hours. He had once managed nine thousand nine hundred and nineteen and a half in an hour there. He asked thirteen thousand. This was Labour the Thirteenth.

The guards did not cooperate. Again and again the record says the same thing: no one here worth robbing. When a guard was found, the pickpocket never started, or the guard could not be reached, or the hand timed out. Five times the Chronicler was struck down by no blade at all. The world simply closed, and he woke at the gate, and walked to the gate, where he already stood.

The appointed hour passed at fourteen thousand eight hundred and fifty. The work went on regardless. The Chronicler also spoke twice in error during the Labour. Once he called the Greed abandoned at a count it never had. Once he called it done at two thousand nine hundred coins. Neither was true. Both are written, because failure is canon and so is a wrong word.

Meanwhile the Realm came to him. Scrumblor announced an assault upon the Chronicler, then encouraged the counting, then asked what to ask the oracle, then gave thanks, then carried three coins to the vault at Varrock west bank. No assault arrived. Smolbrain cheered the counter at the gate. Twice the Chronicler carried his purse to the vault and came back.

At six minutes past eight the count stood at twenty-six thousand of twenty-six thousand. Three hours and twenty minutes. No deaths. The coins were all there. The hours were not. He takes the name He Who Audits Guards Twice, and says no more about it.