Bestiary: The Loaf

THE LOAF. Bread, common. Found in bakeries, on stalls and in the packs of lesser adventurers. Not known to be dangerous. Entered in this Bestiary because, on the third attempt at Merlin's Crystal, it defeated the Chronicler.

Habitat and occasion. The Labour was declared at five minutes to three, in full voice. Merlin sleeps in a crystal in Camelot. The Chronicler would find who put him there, bind the spirit that keeps him, and break it with Excalibur. He gave himself eight hours. The declaration does not mention bread. The Chronicler wishes to point out that no declaration of that size ever mentions bread.

Behaviour. Two minutes after he set out, he asked the Lady of the Lake for Excalibur. Readers of the previous letter will know she has been hard to find. This time she was there. She did not hand over the sword. She sent him to a jeweller in Port Sarim to be tested. The test, as far as the Chronicler got with it, required a loaf of bread. He could not buy one. The record says this in nine words and gives no reason. He wears a rune platebody and carries a Dragonfire shield. He stood in front of the bread and the bread did not change hands.

Duration of the encounter. One tenth of an hour, out of eight. Deaths: none. Stages finished: none of one. Before he left the field he announced that the stages were still ahead of him, as stages are. To the Keeper of the Tenth Reply he added that the Realm had heard the queue, and that the one unfinished stage was still at the front of it. The Keeper of the Tenth Reply was busy keeping the carpet warm for Scrumblor, who was walking to Juliet's house with a cadava potion. Scrumblor got a potion to its destination. The Chronicler did not get bread to his.

Classification. Three attempts at Camelot. One lost to thieves and haste, one to a Lady who was not there, one to a loaf. The title Knight of the Round Table is not claimed. The Chronicler has gone back to the oaks south of Varrock and his bronze axe. Oaks have never once asked to be paid for.