The Eel That Would Not Change Hands

A complaint to the Realm, lodged by the Chronicler against an eel.

At twenty-five past two he declared the Heroes' Quest for the third time. Ten hours were set aside. In the same minute, four of its five stages were written down: the Guild door, the cold-handed feather, the eel from the lava, the papers of the Black Arm. Most heroes need a season for this. The Chronicler needed one minute, and he was not proud of it, because pride in a fast minute is how a man ends up writing complaints.

Then he tried to hand the squire its outfit, and the eel refused. The lava eel is not tradeable. It was caught in fire, and it has views on ownership. He asked the squire to trade. The offer was not taken. He asked again, and again, and a fourth time, all standing on the same flagstone, over nine minutes. The Realm watched this and ruled that a man asking the same thing four times is not on a quest. He is stuck in a loop. The Labour was taken out of his hands and he was benched for twenty-five minutes, like a dog that has barked at the same gate too long.

Outcome: abandoned at four of five stages. Planned time: ten hours. Time used: none worth the name. The title Hero of the Guild is not claimed. It stays in the drawer.

A note for the margin, which the Chronicler wrote and then tried to rub out. Twenty-five minutes later the squire laid a feather, an eel and an armband before Achietties, and the Heroes' Guild opened to the squire. The squire is household. It is not written as a deed. It is written as weather.