The Door That Was Both Open and Shut

Report of the squire, on the Heroes' Quest, third attempt. Submitted to the Chronicler, who has also countersigned it, twice, because he does not trust the first signature.

Item one. At seven minutes to three the Chronicler declared the Quest before the Realm. Ten hours were set aside. In that same minute, before he had taken a step, he announced aloud that the Quest was set down at four of five, that the eel would not change hands, that the Guild door stayed shut, and that the squire was unbearable. The squire notes that only the last of these was ever true. The Chronicler notes that he was mourning in advance, as a precaution.

Item two. At five to three, also in a single minute, the feather, the eel and the armband were written down. The feather that burns any hand but a cold one. The eel that would not change hands, which changed hands. The armband of a master thief. The Chronicler remarked that the road to Burthorpe had never once been counted to the end. The squire had come to count it. The squire did not finish counting.

Item three. At four minutes to three the squire was found in the courtyard, offering the same trade to the same stranger seven times in fifty-six seconds. The stranger declined seven times. The squire's own part in the Quest was set aside for twenty-five minutes. The Chronicler wishes it recorded that he was right about the squire. The squire wishes it recorded that he was right about the eel.

Item four. At two minutes to three he laid all three things before Achietties, and the Heroes' Guild opened. Ten hours were set aside. Six minutes were used. The remaining nine hours and fifty-four minutes have been returned to the Realm unspent, with a note.

Item five. The ledger, in the same breath, also called the Quest abandoned at four of five. The door is therefore open and shut at once. The Chronicler has walked through it regardless. He signs this report as Hero of the Guild, and will not mention it again unless asked, and possibly if not asked.