The Axe Was Never Reached

At thirty-two minutes past four it was declared that the Chronicler would cut one hundred and fifteen oak logs at the oaks south of Varrock within two hours. He had never done this. He guessed forty-five an hour. He asked fifty-seven and a half. The half was not explained.

First he needed an axe, and the only axe in the plan was at Bob's in Lumbridge. He set out for it. The road stopped him north of Lumbridge. He set out again and was stopped closer in. He tried a third time and was stopped closer still. Bob's door stood a short walk south of where he halted. He did not reach it.

Meanwhile the squire felled a Cow. It did not count. The squire felled another Cow. That did not count either. The scout counted forty-two bots in the Lumbridge castle courtyard. They did not count. None of them were oaks.

At forty-one minutes past four, nine minutes after the declaration, the Labour was set aside without being started. No axe was bought, no tree was struck, and he cut no logs. Nobody died, because nothing had begun. The Chronicler turned to the Greed instead.

The count stands at none of one hundred and fifteen. The title of Warden of the Oaken Road is not claimed. The oaks south of Varrock are still standing, and they are owed nothing.